It’s Monday, June 5, 2017, at 10:04pm. And it’s my first time writing in a few weeks. May 2017 was a rough month.
The hard parts though…
When I started at the birth center, Chris, the girls and I knew it was going to be an adjustment with me living part-time away from home. I kept telling them, and myself, to think of me being away at a long birth (which is not a bad way to look at it considering as a doula, there are times that I am away from home for two or three days). I’m not going to lie…it’s been harder being away from the family than I thought it would be.
And the drive. The freaking drive.
I love to drive. I have no problem with it at all. I’m used to driving. But dang. The amount of time it takes me to get to the birth center and back again is overwhelming. It takes me four hours if there is absolutely no traffic and five hours if there is traffic and/or multiple accidents. I do this twice a week. The only thing that really bothers me about the drive is that I wish I could have those hours to do schoolwork or take care of Mum’s.
Then my 16-year old dog, Jack, got sick. Every week that I would leave, I would be so sad because I had to leave him behind knowing he wasn’t feeling himself. He lost weight, he looked sad all the time (except for when I walked through the door) and I knew he was hurting. The vet couldn’t figure it out even with all the meds we threw at Jack. It broke my heart.
On May 31, 2017, Jack was euthanized. He is no longer suffering. Be we are so, so, so very sad.
And the money. Shit. The money.
My school has taken its damn sweet time getting me my financial aid. Not that it’s going to be much, but at least it’s something. With the unexpected vet bills, the second household that we are maintaining in another part of the state, and the fact that I cannot take on a ton of doula clients this year, we are having an extremely hard time. We’re making it work, but it’s not been easy. Chris has decided that he needs to work part-time to help the family. I have tremendous guilt for this because of his illnesses and the fact that he is in school full-time (he’s almost finished with his Associates!). He has guilt that the financial burden has been on my shoulders for the last two and a half years. Stupid guilt.
Our little Village has stepped up for us periodically the last few weeks. We have received donations from friends through our YouCaring fundraiser and through the mail. A friend even did a LuLaRoe fundraiser for me! $208 is coming our way! Every little bit that people send us is so appreciated.
On a positive note, my time at the birth center has not been rough at all—it’s been absolutely amazing! I feel as though I have found my home. The clients are wonderful. The midwives are wonderful. The other students are wonderful. The midwives put my 17 years of birth work into play during prenatals, births and postpartum meetings. They trust me. And they truly teach us, which is exactly what I want. It’s not a bother to them to teach us—they enjoy it. I expect to be here a while. I’m really hoping they will want me to stay at least through the end of this year. From there, we’ll see what happens. Only time will tell.
Here are a few photos from the last four weeks of my time in Ukiah and trips back home.
Doula. Childbirth Educator. Breastfeeding Counselor. Massage Therapist. Student Midwife. Mom. Wife. Friend. Human.